What is Approach Anxiety
Iain explaining what approach anxiety really is.
Approach anxiety’s that knot in your stomach when you see a girl you want to talk to but can’t quite bring yourself to walk over and say hello.
It’s that internal debate where you think, “I should go for it,” then immediately worry, “But what if I say the wrong thing?” or “What if she rejects me?”
Approach anxiety can be overwhelming, and it’s something most of us have experienced at one time or another.
I remember the first time I felt it.
I was standing in a crowded bar, noticing a cute girl across the room who I wanted to get to know.
My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty and my mind was spinning with worst-case scenarios.
I wanted to make a good first impression, but I couldn’t get over the fear of being embarrassed or shut down.
Before I could gather the courage, she left, and I was left with a nagging regret that I hadn’t just gone for it.
If you can relate to that moment—feeling your heart pound just at the thought of starting a conversation—then you know exactly what approach anxiety is.
It’s not just about being shy; it’s about fearing an outcome you can’t control.
You might worry you’ll be judged, laughed at, or ignored.
In reality, most girls are flattered when approached in a friendly, genuine way.
But approach anxiety can convince you otherwise, making everything feel far more intimidating than it actually is.
On a deeper level, approach anxiety can sometimes stem from a lack of self-confidence or past rejections that still sting.
When you’re already feeling unsure of yourself, even the simplest act of saying, “Hi, how’s your night going?” can seem like a massive leap.
Yet it’s important to remember that the fear you experience isn’t permanent.
Over time, I’ve learnt that the best way to work through it is to accept it’s there, take a slow breath and remind myself that no matter how she responds, at least I gave it a shot.
If you’re wondering how to overcome approach anxiety, start by acknowledging that it’s normal to feel nervous when stepping out of your comfort zone.
Practice small interactions—like chatting to a barista or a random person in your daily routine.
These minor moments help build your conversational muscle, making those more significant interactions feel less intimidating over time.
Approach Anxiety Exercises
One effective way to change your mindset is to use a simple approach anxiety drill.
You could begin by challenging yourself to make brief eye contact and smile at 5 different girls each day.
Once you feel comfortable doing that, move on to saying a quick “Excuse me, thought I'd just say hi” to at least 1 girl you meet.
These small interactions help normalise conversations with strangers and gradually reduce the tension you might feel when considering a more direct approach.
We’ve all had a moment when we’ve regretted not trying, and that regret often stings more than any rejection.
Approach anxiety might feel like an impossible wall to climb, but it’s really just a normal part of putting yourself out there.
The more you practice, the more you discover that it’s usually not as scary as your mind makes it out to be.
In the end, approach anxiety is a sign you care about the outcome—you want to make a good impression.
But it doesn’t have to hold you back.
The next time you feel that hesitation, remind yourself that a genuine smile and a simple “hello” can go a long way.
You never know where a single conversation might lead, and you definitely don’t want to miss out just because your nerves got the best of you.
