How to Overcome Approach Anxiety

Iain approaching two girls on the street.

I remember the first time I spotted a hot girl across a room and felt I just had to say something.

My heart raced, my palms got clammy and my mind went into overdrive thinking of the worst-case scenarios.

If you’re a guy who’s experienced that surge of panic when you’re about to approach an attractive girl, you’re definitely not alone.

Approach anxiety is common amongst men, and it can feel overwhelming. But it doesn’t have to stop you from interacting with women.

Here’s how I’ve learnt to work through it.

Recognise The Fear

It might sound stupid, but the first step is just to admit you’re nervous.

It’s easy to pretend you’re not anxious and try to brush it off, but ignoring the feeling can make it worse.

Acknowledge that your body’s sending you signals—like a racing heart or sweaty palms—and remind yourself that this is normal.

Recognising fear is the first step towards reducing its power.

Shift Your Perspective

One thing that really helped me was to stop seeing an approach as an all-or-nothing event.

Instead, I tried to view it as a light conversation.

If I wanted to say hello to a girl, I kept repeating to myself it was just a small interaction.

That shift in mindset can be huge.

When you approach a woman with genuine curiosity—like asking a question or giving a simple compliment—it feels a lot less intimidating.

Focus On The Girl

When I used to get stuck in my own head, I’d imagine all the ways I might embarrass myself or say something awkward.

Then I discovered that focusing on the girl I wanted to talk to helped me calm down.

If you’re paying attention to her, it’s easier to think of natural questions and show genuine interest.

Suddenly, the conversation flows more smoothly, and you’re not worried about what you’re going to say next.

Take Baby Steps

You don’t need to go in headfirst.

One approach I took was starting with something easy: simple greetings in low-pressure settings.

You could practice a brief approach anxiety drill by chatting to the cashier at the supermarket, for example.

Over time, these small steps help build a kind of social familiarity.

The more you get used to talking to girls in everyday scenarios, the more approachable you become—and the less anxious you feel.

Accept Possible Outcomes

Let’s be honest, not every girl you talk to will want to carry on the conversation.

That’s completely normal.

Don’t see it as a personal rejection—it’s just life!

Understanding that you can’t control how someone else will respond can actually be liberating.

Focus on the part you can control: your own mindset and conversational skills.

Use Simple Openers

You might wonder what to say when you do finally pluck up the courage.

A direct compliment, a question about the situation you’re in (like an event or a shared interest), or even an observation about the environment can break the ice.

I once started a conversation by asking a girl where she got her coffee from because it smelled so good.

It doesn’t have to be a flashy line—sometimes the simpler, the better.

Build On Small Wins

Every time you speak to someone new, even if it’s just a quick hello, congratulate yourself.

Remind yourself that you’ve just taken a step forward, no matter how small.

Overcoming approach anxiety’s about momentum, and small victories create positive energy that keeps you going.

Get Support If You Need It

Sometimes, the anxiety can feel overwhelming.

If it does, talking to a friend or even signing up to an approach anxiety course might help.

Sharing your worries can ease the stress, and you can get fresh ideas on how to tackle your fears.

It’s all about finding what works for you and being patient with yourself.

Overcoming approach anxiety isn’t about never feeling nervous again.

In my experience, it’s about learning how to move forward in spite of the nerves.

You’ll probably still feel a bit of a buzz when you approach someone new, but that’s part of the excitement.

If you keep taking small steps, focusing on the moment and staying open to different outcomes, you’ll find that you can genuinely connect with more girls.

And you’ll even start to enjoy it along the way.