Approach Anxiety Exercises
Iain sharing a few laughs with two random girls.
Approach anxiety can feel overwhelming when you’re out and you spot a girl you’d like to talk to.
I’ve felt that surge of nerves and doubt more times than you can imagine.
You might think you’re the only one who goes through it, but it’s incredibly common.
The good news is is you can do a few simple exercises to gradually reduce those nerves, overcome approach anxiety and build-up your confidence.
Start with Small Steps
The first thing I’d recommend is to begin with tiny actions that don’t scare you too much.
Maybe you’re in the queue at a coffee shop.
Instead of jumping straight into a full-blown conversation, just ask a harmless question or make an observation about the place.
It might be as simple as saying, “This queue’s taking forever” or “I really like their pastries here.”
It’s not about being witty or clever, it’s about getting comfortable with putting yourself out there.
Why it Helps
Small talk exercises your social muscle without risking a full meltdown of anxiety.
It helps you get used to speaking up, which makes bigger approaches feel more normal over time.
The 3-Second Rule
One classic approach anxiety exercise is the 3-second rule.
It’s pretty straightforward.
If you see a girl you’d like to talk to, you have three seconds to start walking up to her.
Don’t overthink, don’t plan a perfect line, just GO.
If you let your mind wander for too long, you’ll start second-guessing yourself and the anxiety will build.
Why it Works
This trick works because it keeps you from getting stuck in your head.
It’s a bit like jumping into cold water—scary for a moment, but it becomes easier once you’re in.
Focus on Giving Value
Sometimes we feel anxious because we see approaching as “taking” something from the other person: their time, their attention, their space.
When you shift your mindset to “giving” instead, the pressure lightens.
Think about what you have to offer—maybe it’s a compliment, an interesting story or just positive energy.
Picture yourself making her day a little brighter.
Why it Helps
When you focus on being a positive presence, your approach anxiety transforms into a feeling of generosity.
You’re not bugging her, you’re just adding a spark to her day.
Progressive Challenges
It’s useful to set small goals or “challenges” for yourself.
For example:
Say hello to 5 random girls this week.
Next week, ask 3 of them how they’re doing.
The following week, push for a short conversation.
By splitting it into steps, you’ll see progress more quickly.
Each step will feel like a little win, which builds momentum for the next one.
Why it Works
Progressive challenges give you a clear roadmap.
You know exactly what to do and you can celebrate each step you conquer.
It feels more doable than setting one massive goal.
Visualisation and Self-Talk
Before you head out, take a moment to close your eyes and visualise yourself calmly approaching a girl.
Imagine smiling, starting a conversation and feeling that excited buzz when it goes well.
Pair this with gentle self-talk: remind yourself you’re capable, worthy and fun to talk to.
It might feel cheesy, but it can really change your mindset if you do it consistently.
Why it Helps
Our minds respond well to mental rehearsal.
When you visualise a positive outcome, you’re less likely to freeze up in the moment.
Celebrate Every Win
It’s vital to give yourself credit for every success.
Maybe you only managed a quick “hey” before you ran out of steam—that’s still a win because it’s more than you did yesterday.
By celebrating each tiny step, you build inner belief and reinforce the idea that you are growing more social and more courageous.
Why it Matters
A little self-encouragement goes a long way.
Over time, you’ll see that you don’t always need external validation.
You’ve got enough inner confidence to keep pushing forward.
Want to Go Further?
If you want to keep making progress and truly master the art of approaching girls, consider signing-up to my approach anxiety program.
You’ll learn more in-depth exercises, get personalised guidance and discover proven strategies to help you become more confident around the women you’d like to meet.
Final Thoughts
Approach anxiety doesn’t vanish overnight.
It’s something you work on a bit at a time, and these exercises are designed to help you do exactly that.
The goal isn’t to become a fearless robot—there’s always going to be some adrenaline when you talk to someone new.
That spark can even be a good thing.
But with regular practice, your nerves won’t hold you back.
You’ll learn to turn that anxious energy into excitement, and before you know it, you’ll be striking up conversations in a way that feels natural and fun.
