Push and Pull Method
Playing hard to get can grab a girl’s attention.
As soon as you walk in to a bar or a club.
You’re surrounded by loads of guys looking for female attention.
Amidst this sea of spam.
How can you stand out and get women interested in you?
The answer lies in what’s called the push and pull method.
A dynamic tactic popularised by the pick-up artist (PUA) community back in the 2000s.
This technique involves alternating between showing disinterest (push) and demonstrating interest (pull) to create a significant amount of attraction.
In this guide, we'll explore what the push and pull method is, how to implement it effectively during flirting and early interactions.
And the benefits it can bring to your dating life.
What is the Push and Pull Method?
The push and pull method is a short-term tactic used predominantly during the initial stages of dating and flirting.
Coined and popularised by the Mystery Method—a renowned PUA framework—this technique aims to create a dynamic interplay that keeps interactions engaging and maintains a level of mystery.
By strategically alternating between pushing away and pulling closer, men can heighten a woman's interest and create a deeper level of attraction.
Origins of the Push and Pull Method
The push and pull method finds its roots in the broader PUA strategies designed to enhance a man's success in attracting women.
The Mystery Method, developed by Erik von Markovik (known as Mystery), emphasises the importance of creating emotional highs and lows to build attraction.
The push and pull technique is central to this approach, serving as a tool to manage the ebb and flow of interest during interactions.
How Does the Push and Pull Method Work?
At its core, the push and pull method involves creating a balance between showing interest and creating a sense of independence or mystery.
This dynamic can make interactions more stimulating and prevent them from becoming monotonous.
Push: Creating Distance or Showing Disinterest
Push actions are designed to subtly decrease the level of attention or interest you show.
This doesn’t mean being rude or dismissive but rather creating a slight emotional distance to pique curiosity.
Examples of Push:
Negging: Delivering a backhanded compliment or mild tease to lower her self-esteem slightly, making her seek your approval.
Example: "You're pretty smart for someone with your background."
Playing Hard to Get: Not always being immediately available or responsive.
Example: Taking a bit longer to reply to text messages or occasionally declining invitations with a plausible excuse.
Maintaining Independence: Highlighting your own interests and activities to show that you have a fulfilling life outside of her.
Example: "I’ve got a lot on my plate with work this week, but let’s catch up later."
Pull: Re-establishing Connection and Showing Interest
Pull actions are about re-engaging and showing genuine interest after a push.
This re-establishment creates a sense of unpredictability and excitement.
Examples of Pull:
Compliments: Offering sincere and specific compliments to boost her confidence and reaffirm your interest.
Example: "I really admire your passion for art."
Showing Vulnerability: Sharing personal stories or feelings to deepen the connection.
Example: "I’ve always struggled with balancing work and personal life."
Initiating Contact: Reaching out to plan another meeting or continuing a conversation.
Example: "I enjoyed our conversation yesterday. How about we grab a coffee this weekend?"
Non-Verbal Push and Pull
The push and pull method isn't confined to verbal interactions; it can also be effectively conveyed through body language.
Examples of Non-Verbal Push and Pull:
Proxemics: Moving in and out of her personal space to create a sense of closeness and distance.
Arm Positioning: Crossing your arms to appear closed off (push) and opening your arms to seem more inviting (pull).
Hand Gestures: Using specific gestures in combination with phrases to reinforce your intentions, such as a playful hand wave (pull) or a subtle touch to establish connection (push).
When to Use the Push and Pull Method
The push and pull method is most effective during the early stages of interaction, such as:
Cold Approaches: Initiating conversations with women in venues like bars, clubs, or even during the daytime.
Flirting: Creating playful tension and excitement during conversations.
Chatting Up: Engaging in light banter and teasing to build rapport.
First and Second Dates: Establishing a balance between showing interest and maintaining personal boundaries.
Typically, this method is used in bars and clubs to raise your value within the venue, especially during the night when the social environment is more conducive to spontaneous interactions.
Why Use the Push and Pull Method?
The push and pull method leverages natural human psychology of desire and attraction.
By alternating between showing interest and creating space, you:
Build Attraction: The balance between availability and independence can heighten interest and desire.
Prevent Overwhelm: Avoiding excessive attention ensures she doesn’t feel suffocated or taken for granted.
Maintain Mystery: Keeping some aspects of your life independent maintains an air of mystery, making you more intriguing.
Stand Out: Since most guys show consistent interest by being overly nice, using push and pull offers a unique approach. Women are not typically accustomed to this dynamic in bars and clubs, making your interactions stand out and be more memorable.
Memorable Interactions: The push and pull method creates unique moments that women are likely to remember amidst a crowd of similar suitors.
A lot of guys have grown up with the underlying belief that:
You have to "win" a girl over by being a gentleman and showing unwavering interest.
By introducing a push and pull dynamic, you differentiate yourself from the crowd of Average Joes.
Making your interactions more memorable and leaving a lasting impression.
Advantages and Disadvantages of the Push and Pull Method
Advantages
Builds Attraction: Creates a sense of challenge and intrigue, making interactions more engaging.
Prevents Overwhelm: Avoids coming across as too eager or desperate, maintaining personal boundaries.
Maintains Mystery: Keeps a level of unpredictability, which can heighten interest and curiosity.
Enhanced Attraction: Creates a compelling dynamic that can increase mutual interest.
Balanced Interaction: Prevents one-sidedness by ensuring both parties invest equally.
Personal Growth: Encourages maintaining individuality and personal interests.
Stand Out in Crowds: Differentiates you from other suitors who may be overly attentive, making your interactions more memorable.
Disadvantages
Misinterpretation: Can be misunderstood as playing games or being disinterested if not executed properly.
Inconsistency: Inconsistent application may lead to confusion or frustration.
Emotional Risk: If not balanced well, it can lead to emotional disconnect or insecurity.
Can Come Across as Weird: Without proper calibration and practice, the method can seem unnatural or off-putting.
Requires Calibration: Needs consistent practice and refinement to execute smoothly and effectively.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Overdoing the Push: Excessive showing of disinterest can come across as rude or uninterested.
Overdoing the Pull: Constantly showing interest without any push can make you seem desperate or needy.
Inconsistency: Inconsistent application of push and pull can lead to confusion and mistrust.
Lack of Authenticity: Using push and pull as manipulative tactics rather than genuine interactions can damage the connection.
Insufficient Practice: Without consistent practice, the method may not be executed smoothly, leading to awkward or ineffective interactions.
Tips for Successful Push and Pull with Girls
Maintain Balance: Ensure that neither push nor pull dominates the interaction. Strive for a harmonious interplay that keeps both parties engaged.
Be Patient: Building attraction takes time. Allow the connection to develop naturally without forcing the push and pull dynamics.
Stay Confident: Confidence is attractive. Use the pull aspect to showcase your self-assuredness and independence.
Avoid Manipulation: The push and pull method should enhance the interaction, not manipulate it. Always prioritise honesty and integrity.
Adapt to Feedback: Be receptive to your partner’s responses and adjust your approach accordingly to maintain a healthy dynamic.
Practice Consistently: Regularly engage in social settings like bars and clubs to refine your push and pull techniques and calibrate your approach.
Be Genuine: Focus on authenticity. The push and pull should complement your natural behaviour, not replace it.
Learn from Women: Understand that women unconsciously employ similar tactics, such as shit tests, to gauge your confidence and compatibility. Recognising these signals can help you respond appropriately and enhance your effectiveness with the push and pull method.
Combining Push and Pull for Maximum Effect
Many successful men find that combining push and pull strategies in a balanced manner yields the best results.
Here's how to integrate both effectively:
Initial Phase (Push): Show strong interest by initiating contact, planning meet-ups, and expressing your enthusiasm.
Middle Phase (Pull): Gradually create space by focusing on your own interests and not always being available.
Ongoing Balance: Alternate between push and pull based on the interaction's progression and her responses, maintaining a dynamic yet stable connection.
Criticisms of the Push and Pull Method
Whilst the push and pull method can be effective, it has its share of critics.
Some argue that it can feel unnatural and manipulative, especially if not executed with finesse.
Critics also point out that PUA techniques have evolved beyond the original frameworks introduced by Mystery and Neil Strauss.
Advocating for more authentic approaches to dating.
Also, if not calibrated properly, the method can come across as weird or off-putting, making it essential to practice consistently to master its execution.
A Genuine Approach: Beyond Games
Personally, I don't believe in playing games when it comes to attracting women.
This is a principle I teach my clients during bootcamps too.
There's a plethora of misleading advice out there that encourages men to play games, but it's really not necessary.
Instead, I advocate for being genuine and authentic.
By doing so, you naturally attract women who appreciate honesty and sincerity, whilst screening out those who might be inclined to play games themselves.
Life's too short to invest time and energy into manipulative tactics.
Starting interactions based on authenticity leads to more meaningful and longer lasting relationships.
Why It Works: Standing Out in the Crowd
As I’ve already mentioned above.
One of the reasons why the push and pull method works is that it breaks the mould of traditional Victorian-era dating norms.
Most men always play the gentleman game, as per the mainstream belief that you have to "win" a woman over.
Women are accustomed to this behaviour in bars and clubs, where attentiveness is the norm.
By using the push and pull method, you introduce a unique dynamic that women aren't typically used to, making your interactions stand out.
This uniqueness not only differentiates you from the crowd of suitors but also makes your interactions more memorable.
Increasing the likelihood that women will remember and respond positively to you.
Conclusion
The push and pull method is a powerful strategy for men aiming to enhance their flirting and early dating interactions.
By thoughtfully balancing moments of disinterest with genuine displays of interest, you can create a dynamic that fosters attraction and keeps interactions engaging.
Moreover, this method helps you stand out in environments like bars and clubs, where most men may be overly attentive, making your interactions more memorable.
However, it's crucial to implement this method with authenticity, ensuring that both parties feel valued and intrigued.
When used with practice and calibration, the push and pull technique can significantly improve your success with women.
Paving the way for meaningful and lasting relationships.